Adoption

    Adoption touches the lives of millions of Americans. Every year 50,000 non-relative to non-relative adoptions take place in the U.S. That means 50,000 children are placed with families other than the ones they were born into. Which means 50,000 women and 50,000 men every year sign away their rights to raise their own children. This does not include other family members who lose their rights to see and love those children, such as grand parents, siblings, and other relatives.

    Adoption touched my own life. In 1985, at the age of 27, I got pregnant. I grew up in a large family which was very abusive, and I knew at a very young age I did not want to be a mother. During my pregnancy I discovered that the decision I'd made years earlier was still true for me. My family did not support me. They gave me so much grief, and would not accept my situation. The Church did not accept me, and chose to punish me for my deeds, even though I'd planned to do the "right" thing by giving my baby life and surrendering her for adoption. Many adoption agencies and "professionals" teated me poorly as well, looking at me as a source of revenue rather than as a human being about to make the most difficult decision ever. And yet, through it all, my darling unborn child gave me the strength and support I needed to face the hell I went through, and to be strong until the end.

    On December 31, 1985 I gave birth to a healthy, lively girl. Seven pounds, 12 ounces, 21 inches long, auburn hair and deep blue eyes. I named her Angelica, because she is and always will be my angel. On March 6, 1986, I signed papers relinquishing my rights to my daughter, permitting another family to raise as their own.

    My daughter's parents and I agreed to an open adoption arrangement. We share pictures and letters every year, but I do not visit or see her. She has an older sister, also adopted. My daughter loves animals, especially horses, is highly creative, very funny, and wants to be a movie producer some day. During the past couple years she's shown a lot of interest in, and talent for, videography and photography, especially of animals. She's also developed into an excellent and highly analytic writer. She's a very deep thinker, pondering every issue thoroughly. Most importantly, my daughter is very deeply loved by her family, and will never experience the terrible things I grew up with.

    This whole episode of my life is still so painful to talk about and deal with. There are many friends who still do not know I have a daughter. Even though my situation is the very best - more than even I could have hoped for - it still requires a great deal of courage to face.

    I am working to make adoption less mysterious and more accepted in our society. I also hope to live to see the day birth mothers are less reviled, and the myths which surround us will be gone forever.

    FOR MY DAUGHTER


    Dedicated to all Birthmothers
    Words and Music © 1994, 2003 by Mary McCarthy

    Many are the years that passed us by
    Since the day you left my side
    Did you know I love you still
    Do you know I always will

    To hear the song, Click Here

    This song is available on Binky's CD Squirrely Girl
    For more information visit http://www.squirrelygirl.com

    SOMEDAY I WILL BE REUNITED WITH MY DAUGHTER... maybe...

    My Angel on Day of Her Birth

    MY THOUGHTS ABOUT ADOPTION

    Many eople have varying opinions about adoption, but unless you are a member of the adoptoin triad, you cannot know the pain and grief involved. I cannot speak for adoptees or adoptive parents. I can only guess at the thoughts and feeligns I have, and I cannot speak for all Birthmothers, but I can, AND I DO, speak for myself.

    I am DEEPLY TROUBLED by the entire Adoption debate. Some television programs turn adoption into a reality-show game. Other shows like to reunite lost birth relatives. I do not favor either approach to dealing with adoption. The decision to adopt, to relinquish a child or to search for one's birth family is an intensely personal choice, and not one that should be played out in front of television cameras.

    I am DEEPLY DISTURBED by the way adoption is addressed by the religious right (wrong!!!) and the pro-"life" movement. For over a hundred years women who gave birth to children out of wedlock were treated as criminals and forced to hide their "sins," relinquishing the rights to thier children (who were also viewed as "sin") without hope of ever seeing that child again or being allowed to properly grieve their loss.

    If you doubt abuses in adoption existed, be sure to read about the Butterbox Babies in the links below, or see the film The Magdeline Sisters for a revealing look at some of the horrors inflicted on mother and child

    Adoption is a life-long process. There is pain at every step, for everyone. This needs to be acknowledged and dealt with. It is not as the pro-"life" movement likes to proclaim - an act of love and bravery. Relinquishing a child for adoption - LOSING A CHILD - is the most heart-wrenching experience known. The pain does NOT go away. It simply changes. The grief and loss are REAL. It doesn't go away. It doesn't get better. It is always, always there.

    It is an absolute crime that in this day and age, 2004, our "enlightened" society still wants Birthmothers to go away, even with open adoption. Birthmothers are not given any sort of counselling for their loss. They are not allowed to publicly grieve or honor their loss.

    Let's be real. Adoption is difficult at best. Birthmothers are not criminals and should not be treated as such. Our children deserve the right to know everything about themselves and their birth families that they wish to know. Counselling and support should be available for all members of the Adoption Triad. Counselling and support should be available for those who search, and those in reunion. I will work to my dying day to get the message out. Far too many of us have been treated cruelly for doing the "right" thing. And that needs to be fixed. Pronto



To see a picture of my daughter when she was 3, click here
Click here to see a picture of my daughter when she was 8. She is Number 44!

To read some poetry she's written CLICK HERE


For information on Release of Information regarding adoptions for people involved in adoption through the state of Michigan Click Here


If you are searching... be sure to contact the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR). This is a free, mutual consent registry, which has reunited people all over the world. In order to receive a registry form, send them a Stamped, Self-Addressed #10 (business size) envelope.

ISRR
P.O. Box 2312
Carson City, NV 89702

OR visit their website:

http://www.isrr.net/

IF YOU LIVE IN THE METRO DETROIT AREA, VISIT THE A I M (Adoption Identity Movement) website, and join this search and support group

IF YOU LIVE IN SPRINGFIELD, MO, PLEASE VISIT The Adoption Triad of the Ozarks

RECOMMENDED READING

These are some books and references which I found helpful.

Famous Birth Parents


  • Joannie Mitchell
  • David Crosby
  • Roseanne


    Special thanks to my birth mom friends Mary Beth and Janice for many of the following links!

    THIS SITE IS A MEMBER OF THE Adoption Chronicler Webring, and ADOPTION RING

      LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD

      Once there were two women
      Who never knew each other
      One you do not remember
      The other you call mother

      Two different lives
      shaped to make yours one
      One became your guiding star
      The other became your sun

      The first gave you life
      And the second taught you to live in it
      The first gave you a need for love
      And the second was there to give it

      One gave you a nationality
      The other gave you a name
      One gave you the seed of talent
      The other gave you an aim

      One gave you emotions
      The other calmed your fears
      One saw your first sweet smile
      The other dried your tears

      One gave you up --
      it was all that she could do
      The other prayed for a child
      And God led her straight to you

      And now you ask me through your tears
      The age old question of the years

      Heredity or Environment --
      which are you product of:

      Neither, my darling -- neither
      Just two different kinds of love

      Anonymous


    Feel free to e-mail me

    To go to Binky's home page click here


    This page is a proud member of two adoption rings.

    to return to the links on this page, click here


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    My Death Wish

    If anything should ever happen to me where I am unable to speak for myself, I hereby wish to make public my desires for my fate.  Death is a natural part of life.  Nobody escapes it.  Should I ever find myself in a situation where machines are the only way to keep meDeath Happens. Get Over It! alive, i.e. feeding tubes, ventillators or the like, I DO NOT WISH to be kept "alive."  Should I be in a coma for more than 72 hours, please, let me die! 

    In addition, I do not wish to be embalmed in any way, shape or form.  Rotting away is the natural cycle of things.  I also do not want to be placed in some big, fancy, expensive casket.  I'll be DEAD!  A pine box, a shroud, or cardboard box is just fine.  Absolutely NO funeral homes!  Would one of my wonderful friends kindly open your diningroom table for my poor dead body to beYou can't escape DEATH! viewed?  Also, if someone would sit shiva with me, that would rock.

    I've heard there are now "green" cemeteries.  If you don't want to cremate me, stick me in one of those.  Better yet, give me a Tibetan "Sky Burial."  Then I can finally poop on your head!

    Thank you for your kind consideration of my wishes.
    Updated 02/12/07